Help My Teenage Son is in a Gang
To parents, nothing gives greater joy than seeing their children growing up and taking progressively adult roles in the family. However, when it comes to building social relationships many parents often find themselves constantly worrying whether their teens are getting into positive, constructive peer relationships. Peer pressure, although with its countless beneficial aspects, also have its many downsides. Among these is being involved in teen gangs which is, according to the U.S. Department of Justice, one of the most significant community problems in almost all urban environments today.
As a parent dedicated to your son's welfare, it is natural to be alarmed after finding out that your son is involved in a gang. Take note, teens who may be involved in gang activity usually display multiple instances of the following signs:
- associated with known gang members
- makes use of gang speak and signs to communicate with associates
- fixations on the particular mode of clothing, colors or wear a particular logo on their clothing. Some gang cultures have a preference on a particular clothing style; for example, Burberry and Dr. Martens are popular attire on some gangs cultures.
- has bruises and wounds that seem related to fighting
- shows interest in gang related news, media and activities
- has more cash or valuables than one might reasonably expect
- has in possession dangerous implements that could be used to harm others, such as stilettos, ice picks, baseball bats, etc.
- fearful of arousing police interest
Parents have every reason to worry about their teenage sons associating themselves with neighborhood gangs, especially since it has been brought about hundreds of times already that youth gangs are responsible for a large proportion of all violent adolescent offenses.
In the United States, 80% of all the serious violent adolescent offenses are committed by youth gangs, and 20% of gang members have already committed serious crimes. Additionally, many experts agree that violent behavior, gangs, and drug abuse converge, with teens that join gangs are twice as likely to use drugs, engage in violent behavior, and commit crimes.
What Parent's Can Do?
You cannot criticize your teenage son's friends without him getting into the defensive. Preventing him from seeing his friends will likely complicate things further, will alienate your son from you and will probably end up with him doing extremely rebellious acts, such as running away, displays of aggression, committing crimes, etc. Unless your teenage son's activities have become extremely dangerous, it is probably best not to stop him from seeing his friends.
What you need to do is slowly change the popular teen idea that joining gangs can make them look cool or become popular to girls. Explain to him why doing stuff like smoking, drinking beer, doing high fives and secret handshakes with tough gangsters are never cool and will not automatically make him get accepted. You can do this by slowly talking to him, telling him to discover these facts himself. Eventually, he will start to notice the things you pointed out that he did not notice the first time, and hopefully with your constant guidance, will he decide to turn things around by himself.
Usually, you also need to inject help into the environment. Nurturing a caring, supportive and proactive environment at home will help a lot in making your teen feel accepted. Having meals together, going on family trips together, celebrating one's success, playing video games together, or even small thoughtful things like leaving hot dinner on the table when he gets home late, are among the hundreds of "reach out things" that you can do.
The school environment will always be a critical place for success. Unfortunately, some schools can contribute to the demise of some teens. If you that see your son’s school cannot provide him the environment he needs to be successful, do not hesitate to change schools. For a number of reasons, there are some types of schools that have better chances in helping teenagers with gang related problems, like teen boarding schools.