Help! My Teen Won’t Do Anything!
Living with a lazy teen can be very frustrating. It seems that the more you try to motivate them, the more determined they are not to be motivated. It’s a pain for parents to keep on reminding their teens to do something over and over. It’s easy for parents to mentally fast-forward to their teen’s future and see how an unmotivated, lazy individual can become unmotivated, lazy adults. It’s a big deal for parents, but the question is how can you motivate a teen who doesn’t want to be motivated?
The Unspoken Question
Even if teens don’t say it out loud, there’s an unspoken question at the back of their minds when their parents want them to do things. It’s “Why?”; they wonder why they need to do what their parents are telling them to do, and the answer “because I say so” doesn’t cut it. Teens love to engage their parents in the debate, and often times it’s also good to sit down with your teen and really tell them why you think these tasks are important. Why is it important to finish their schoolwork?
It’s not just because it’s required in school, it also teaches them the value of hard work, punctuality, and creative thinking. Teens need to know that there is something in it for them too. Yes, explaining things to your teen can be quite annoying, but they are at a stage in their lives where values need to be formed and solidified. Parents would want the foundation of these values to be clear to their teens, especially since they’ll be on their own in a few short years.
Suggestions for Parents of Unmotivated Teens
Here are a few suggestions which may be helpful for parents who deal with teen laziness. Doing these on a consistent basis will most probably help teens develop the sense of motivation that they need to do well in life:
Give them chores – Chores build character. Give your child a reasonable amount of chores that he/she is expected to do on a consistent basis. You may expect some resistance at first, but it would help to set consequences in case your teen fails to do his chores or fails to do it on time.
Limit access to video games, the internet, tv – These days, there are so many distractions in young people’s lives that parents need to stand a firm ground in order to fight for their attention. Teens who spend too much time in front of the TV or computer don’t even notice the long hours that they spend there. Electronic entertainment has that effect on people, and as a result, teens become more unfocused and develop wrong priorities. Limiting the access that they have to video games, the internet, and TV will help them focus on what needs to be done. They can also have more time to find more constructive means of keeping themselves busy, like reading or spending time with family and friends.
Listen and encourage – Make the effort to create more time with teens. Encourage them to talk to you and listen to their concerns. Many times, teens seem unmotivated in school because they feel they won’t do well in it anyway. You’ll notice that the things your teen pour his best efforts to tend to be the things that they think they do well. When doing things they’re not naturally good at, sometimes their defense mechanism is to act like these things don’t matter anyway. Encourage them to not focus on what skills that they lack but rather to focus on what they can do to improve themselves in that area. Giving positive support to your teen can help them get over the fear of failure and begin trying.
Encourage more activity – Plan more family time together and involve your teens in the preparation. For example, if you’re planning a picnic, ask your teen to help you with food preparations. You may also have certain things you want to be done in the house that’s not included in your teen’s daily or weekly chores. It may be a good idea to offer to pay them if they will do these special tasks for you.
It may be tempting for parents sometimes to just do things themselves because it seems that it’s the only way to get anything done in the house. However, this doesn’t teach lazy teenagers anything except that somebody else will pick up after them. Don’t clean their room for them, don’t pick up the mess that they make, don’t do their chores for them. If you do, it sends the wrong message and it will only succeed in encouraging them to continue being lazy. If you keep on doing everything for your child just for the purpose of getting things done in the house, it helps them develop learned helplessness rather than gain skills that will make them responsible, productive adults in the future.
