What To Do When Your Teen Wont Follow House Rules
When teens reach a certain age, they often assume that certain privileges are automatically available to them. They think that, by becoming an adult alone, the freedom to do certain things they cannot do as a child is already within their right. So, how would you correct a teenager who demands an exemption to the house rules because he is almost 18? How would you respond to a teenager who insists that she should no longer be subject to curfew rules because she is legally an adult? What would you do if your teenager demands impunity for libertinism and licentiousness?
What concerns many parents is that how much control they seem to not have once their children had reached the stage of adolescence. Truth is, no matter how old your children are, they are still subject to your rules. It makes no difference if they have reached the age by which the law defines as an adult; as long as they are living under your roof, they are required to follow the rules of the house.
Your 18-year-old son has to follow the no loud music rule of the house as much as your 8-year-old son does with his Xbox. Your 16-year-old daughter has to honor the curfew hours as she would when she was 10 years old. Moreover, house rules are made to protect the interests of the entire family. Teenagers might earn a few privileges as they grow older, but that does not mean they are exempt to the house rules that are designed to protect not only themselves but the entire family as well.
Simply put, teenagers need to know that parents are in charge. Also, teenagers who follow common house rules go a long way towards leading successful lives later on. So without further ado, here are some tips that will help you teach your teens to follow your rules.
Treat Them As Adults
Most teenagers do not want to be patronized like a kid. They want to be accepted as an adult. Most of the time too, treating a particularly hard to discipline kid as an adult who is ultimately responsible for his actions can have positive effects. For example, telling a teenager who wants to drop out of school that you can't force him to continue his education, but then he has to get a full-time job and pay rent if ever he decided to quit - might change his mind.
A good response would be like: "You are right; I cannot stop you from quitting school. However, the rules of this house require you to graduate high school or else go find a full-time job to support yourself. You need to pay rent and to feed yourself. If you are ready to commit yourself to this outcome, please tell me. Otherwise, you need to you need to comply with the rules while you live here. What I want to see happen is you graduating high school".
There are times also when teenagers test your rules with threats of running away in order to force you to give in to their demands. If that is the case, you may just need to let such remarks slide.
Teaching Children About Consequences
One of the best lessons you can give your teen is letting them know that all decisions they make can have consequences. They should understand that every poor decision they make, every inaction and every opportunity they miss, can have an effect later on. A good way to teach them about consequences is how you enforce the house rules.
The point is, people, learn by making mistakes and accepting full responsibility of its outcome. If a student does not study prior an exam, he has to face the consequences of failing the subject - as well as the consequences of failing their parents' expectations. This could be lesser amount of financial support on the next term, including a demanded explanation for the lack of effort. If teenagers decide to break the curfew hours, they must learn to accept the consequences of having their cell phone or their Xbox confiscated.
It is very important to teach your teenagers to take full responsibility of their actions, which is why consequences should never be time oriented. For example, instead of telling your teenage son he cannot use the car for three days due to bad behavior, a better approach is to tell him that he cannot use the car indefinitely, until such time such time you are convinced that he will not repeat the same mistake again. Punishment based on time, such as grounding a daughter for a week, or vetoing your son from using the car for three days, will only teach them "how to do time" and just weather things out.
Be Assertive of The Rules, Do Not Back Away
When toddlers throw tantrums, it is usually the parents who must give way and provide what they want. With teenagers, on the other hand, giving way to their outburst and rage displays is a sure sign of bad parenting.
If you tell you son he cannot use the car, never ever back out of that statement even if he starts screaming and throw stuff around. If you give way now, it will give him the notion that in order to get what he wants, he only needs to act out and throw a temper. Giving in to temper displays can have a negative impact to your teenagers' attitude in later life. You do not teach him good citizenship this way.
Where To Seek Help
There are times when the efforts of your family alone may not be enough to cope with your teen's problems and a professional help is required. If you don't know where to start, you can send us an email regarding your problem. Alternately, you can also contact one of our featured schools at 1-800-845-1413 for expert advice.