My Teen is in Trouble all the Time, What Can I Do as a Parent?

It’s not easy for parents to admit that their child is a bully. Recognizing the problem is a vital step to finding a resolution that will help teen bullies stop their aggressive behavior and find a better way of expressing themselves. The sad fact is that many people focus on the bullied children as victims and only look at the bullies as teens deserving to be punished. While it is important for teens to have a sense of accountability for their bullying, it’s also important to understand why they did what they did and what can be done to help them too. Some parents think that bullies don’t need help (at least not as much as bullied children do), but that’s simply not the case.

Bullying happens when a person intentionally threatens, frightens, or inflicts any kind of harm on another person, be it physical, verbal, or emotional harm. Teen bullying has become a serious problem all over the country and has received a lot of media attention because of the disastrous effect it has on many bullied teens.

However, not a lot of mention goes to the effects of bullying on the bullies. In fact, many parents don’t see this as a problem because they interpret it as a positive trait that their teens know how to defend themselves and don’t seem themselves as the victims. Here are a few long-term effects of being a bully that parents and bullying teens need to know about:

• Aggression – Teenage bullying leads to adult aggression. Studies show that over half of teenage bullies become aggressive adults who have been convicted of crimes related to violence.

• Criminal Activities – Studies also show that bullies are more likely to engage in criminal activities than non-bullies.

• Poor social skills – Teens who bully have poor control over their impulses and have a distorted view of the relationship they have with the people around them. Bullies grow up to be adults who usually can’t hold down a job, don’t have a good relationship with people at work, are always at odds with the other people around them (including their family), and have difficulties finding and building a healthy relationship with their significant other.

It’s important to correct this kind of problem while still young because it’s the kind of problem that can shape their adult life. What can parents do when their teen is always bullying others? Here are a few suggestions:

• Zero Tolerance to Bullying – Most bullies start out with pushing the limits of how much abuse they can inflict before they are stopped. At home, it’s important to have a zero tolerance rule about bullying. Explain to your teen what bullying means and what kinds of behavior are unacceptable. Set the limits between teasing and bullying especially towards younger siblings.

• Coordinate with the school – Many teenage bullies abuse younger or weaker children at school. When you get reports from teachers that your teen is bullying other kids, don’t ignore it. Don’t lash out at your teen without knowing the facts. Try to get your teen’s side of the story too. If your teen is constantly getting in trouble with the school, don’t turn a blind eye or protect your child from the consequences of his actions.

• Don’t bully your child – It’s quite understandable for parents to lose their cool when dealing with a teen that’s always in trouble at school. It’s easy to lash out, shout, and use harsh words. In effect, the environment at home can become quite toxic. Instead of approaching the situation negatively, keeping a calm demeanor and focusing on the problem at hand can do more good.

• Find the underlying problem – Many teens who bully are not born mean.

Deep down, bullies are just scared kids themselves. They put up a tough exterior to compensate for the weakness they perceive them. It’s a sign of a low self-esteem. While parents can order their teens to stop bullying other teens, it doesn’t address the real issue. When teens learn to see their own value, they will cease to feel the need to bully other children in order to feel better about themselves.