My Teen Does Not Relate With Others
What Can I Do
When children were younger, making friends was easier. It seems that friendships among children are less complicated and easier to enjoy. It also helps that parents usually have a big hand in helping their children make friends. As children grow up, relationships become more complicated, and the role of parents in making friends changes a lot. Teens begin to build a social identity that transcends their identity at home, and they begin to make individual efforts towards creating their own set of friends.
Needless to say, some are more successful at it than others, both in terms of quality and quantity. What can parents do when they see that their teen has trouble making friends? Parents can encourage them, build up their self-esteem and teach them how to determine good relationships from bad relationships.
Here are a few tips that may be helpful for parents:
Encourage teens to make friends – Young children are a bit more open and accepting towards other kids. They see a lonely kid in the playground and within a few minutes, they can strike up a conversation and invite them to play. With teens, it’s not so simple and easy. Some teens don’t have friends because they don’t want to go out and make friends. Sometimes they have to make an effort to talk to people if they want to cultivate fulfilling relationships with others.
Encourage your teen to widen his/her interests – The fastest way to meet new friends is through shared interests. What is your teen passionate about? For example, if your teen likes photography, support and encourage your teen to cultivate this hobby. Not only will it increase your teen’s self-esteem, it will also give him/her a chance to get to know other teens who share the same passion that they do. Friendships formed on the basis of shared (healthy) interests tend to be more enjoyable and meaningful.
Give your teen space to develop friendships – Teens can’t really rehearse how to make friends. Sincere relationships blossom without being planned. Give your teen the emotional space to discover this. Some teens have difficulties making friends because their well-meaning parents are always hovering around them, especially when they bring friends over from school.
Quality over quantity – Some teens have wrong expectations about friendship. Sometimes, teens who bounce around different peer groups find themselves the most emotionally isolated because they don’t invest the time to really develop the kind of friendship that they want. Talk to your teen about developing quality relationships and why this is more important to the much desired “popularity factor” many kids are after these days.
Be the friend you want to have – Encourage your teen to think about the traits that he/she wants in a friend and suggest that he/she start cultivating these traits too, in order to become the friend that he/she wants to have. Help your teen focus first on qualities that endure and those that will make him/her a better person such as honesty, loyalty, etcetera.
Express your love – Build up your teen’s self-esteem and self-worth by expressing your love to him/her verbally and non-verbally. Spend time with your teen and help your teen see himself/herself the way that you see him/her. A self-confident person exudes the kind of personality that many people are attracted to. Help your teen develop a strong self-esteem not just to be able to make good friends, but also to have the strength to say “no” to bad company.
Put things in perspective – Assure your teens that high school is not the end of life. If they have trouble making friends in school, it doesn’t mean they’ll always have trouble making friends for the rest of their life.
Does your teen show other problems that is preventing him/her from making friends? Difficulties with forming friendships is not necessarily a red flag, but if you try to look at things from a broader perspective, this may give you an insight if your teen is struggling with other issues that hinder him/her from relating well with others and making friends.
For example, teens with ADD/ADHD often find it difficult to catch social cues which other teens may find quite off-putting. Teens with bipolar disorder can be a bit too emotionally unstable to create and maintain relationships, especially for young people who do not yet understand what the disorder is. Teens who are bullied and suffering from depression may have self-esteem that is so badly damaged that they become incapable of making or maintaining healthy relationships.
If you suspect that your teen is struggling with other issues, having a frank conversation with your teen may help. Tell your teen that you care about them enough to make sure that they are okay. Counseling and therapy can help your teen regain emotional stability and to identify the issues that may have silently been affecting your teen’s life.
Sadly, a lot of teens with undiagnosed disorders end up struggling with an invisible enemy throughout their adult life. Therapy can give your teen the chance to become more emotionally stable and to learn how to advocate for himself/herself.