How to Improve Teen Communication Skills
How to Improve Teen Communication Skills

How to Improve Teen Communication Skills

Communication between parents and their children can be difficult but over time, the miscommunication increases greatly as the child becomes a teenager. The communication techniques that may have previously worked for your children may not be as effective now. Especially if parents are now confronted by their own defiant teen.

As a child becomes a teenager, the sudden changes in their behavior and demeanor make parents wonder why their teens have become that way. Miscommunication often occurs because of the fact that naturally, as parents want their kids to be protected from harm and to become successful, their teens, on the other hand, would want to be treated as an adult, expecting that they are given the freedom that they need. So with this, parents are definitely required to improve their skills in communicating with their teens for a more successful parenting approach.

Communication Challenges between Parents and Teens

Before parents try to improve the communication skills with their teens, it is important that they know the basic issues and the communication challenges that nearly all parents go through with their teens. Consider these as the common problems that hinder effective communication:

  • Being self-centered, showing a lack of empathy and being arrogant.
  • Being dishonest, secretive and withholds feelings.
  • Being impatient, moody and excessively temperamental.
  • Always debates, argues, challenges and manipulates.
  • Being in rebellion, or being excessively defiant.
  • Being excessively silent, or having the "I don’t know" attitude.
  • Having disrespectful behaviors, such as ignoring, being sarcastic, blaming, being rude, aggressive, interrupting or ignoring.

Each of these problems is usually caused by the following factors contributed by the adults or the parents:

  1. The parents may have unrealistic expectations for their children because they lack empathy for the differences between other teens and their own.
  2. The attitude of parents in ranking their own needs first then their teen’s because they consider themselves much wiser and much older. Expecting their child to accept this without feeling resentment and hurt.
  3. That parents won’t admit or are unaware that they have actually trained their teens to be disrespectful.
  4. The parents themselves are not aware of the basic effective communication skills because they have not been taught by their own parents in the past.
  5. Parents are not motivated to learn and identify what their teens need as well as how to rank these needs.
  6. The parents do not know to effectively assert, set and enforce appropriate consequences, solve the problem, to listen and how to praise their teens.

There are skills that parents may consider to establish effective communication:

Awareness

It is important for parents to be open-minded as to what is going on in their teen’s minds and what they are currently going through as adolescents. Be aware of the current relationship you have as parent and child and educate yourself on the possible causes of your teen's behavior.

Thinking Clearly

Parents should avoid emotionally charged terms and be vague about what they are trying to say to their teens. There should be the proper focus when you try to communicate with your teens and make sure to build your vocabulary in order to use appropriate terms when talking to your children.

Digging Down

Finding out and identifying the primary needs of your teens as well as your own by digging down below the "surface problems". Every human behavior is naturally driven by their primary needs to:

  • be loved, to give love and be respected by people
  • be free to make a personal life decision, be heard and to assert personal opinions and needs
  • be free to seek, evaluate or accept help from others
  • be free to learn about and enjoy the world, to explore, to create and develop personal spirituality
  • be safe from loss and pain
  • be free to be competent and be confident at life’s tasks, to fill in current physical needs
  • be free to conceive, nurture kids, to balance work, play, and rest

Listen Actively or With Empathy

An essential communication skill for parents to master is active listening or emphatic listening. As parents actively listen, their teens will have a feeling that they are important enough to have their parent’s undivided attention rather than giving lectures most of the time. When parents lecture, teens often tend to shut themselves off or explode more – this technique does not really work on anyone. Active listening can open that connection between parents and their teens and can definitely lead to solving problems successfully. For parents to master the listening skill, one must:

  • Stop what you are doing
  • Look at your teen and give your full attention, make sure there’s eye contact.
  • Listen to what your teens have to say.
  • Comment on what you think you have heard, ask open-ended questions
  • Listen carefully to their response.
  • If they asked for your answer or opinion, give it.
  • If they are not asking for your opinion, then say that you understand your teens.
  • If you still don’t understand what your teen is trying to say then clarify everything until you finally understood.

Your teens are sure to respond to genuine curiosity and deep interest if you show that you are genuinely interested to hear their views. Once you have successfully completed these steps, your teens will more than likely become more open and more responsive. It is also important for parents to remember that to help your teens respond in a less reactive manner, you must learn to avoid the "hot buttons" which might trigger them to be reactive.

Use the Right Tone of Voice and Body Language

As parents communicate with their teens, it is essential to put in the right tone of voice which should match the body language they would want to tell their kids. One can show a certain body language but actually, means another thing. Proper execution of body language is one way of the show that parents are truly listening to what their teens are trying to say.

Body language can include facial gestures, the eye contact, the hand and head movement. The expression we show, the way we deliver our messages and the tone of voice we use actually speaks louder than our words. If you seemed uninterested by what your teens are saying, expect them to act the same way when you are speaking to them.

Knowing to end the discussion is also important as you communicate with your teens. Sometimes it is needed to close a discussion to save both of you from possible and further arguments. When you do end a topic or discussion, do it calmly but yet firmly.

Ultimately, as parents, you should always be able to find time for your teens, talk to them constantly about their views, opinions and specific interests. In short, get to know them as they go through a different phase in their lives. Your role as parents is to establish a steady communication goal with your kids, you might not be perfect at it but the important thing is, progress can be evident once you try your best to reach out to your teens.