Parenting Teens Tips

Parenting Teen Tip #1 - Find Common Ground: When parenting teens, and as the parent, the ball is in "your" court. The sporting teams that win are the ones who do the best job of sharing the ball. It shouldn't be impossible to recognize problems or situations in your troubled teens life that compare to the experiences you had at their age. You may even find they are strikingly similar. They've never been in your shoes, but "you've" been in "theirs." Years ago a business partner and I would frequently have to make a 6 hour commute together. Once we'd run out of things to talk about we would run into trouble because he liked country music and I liked alternative. Rather than compromise, we both preferred to ride in awkward silence. One day he brought a new record by an upstart country rocker named Steve Earle. Suddenly we had a common denominator. Our long commutes turned into trips we both looked forward to. Find some common ground with your troubled teen. This will open up the lines of communication and the opportunity for shared experiences.

Parenting Teen Tip #2 - Constructive Communication: When parenting teens be prepared to explain your reasons for your decisions rather than just saying "because I said so." This helps your teen understand the reasons for your decisions and can have a very positive effect in the relationship with your troubled teen. Be fair and respectful towards each other. It's important to control our own anger so that we don't lash out regrettably. Disagreements, especially when parenting teens, can escalate into brutally painful exchanges that cause us to say things that we immediately regret. This can lead to wounds that are slow to heal. Count to ten, take three deep breaths and wait until you are calm and reasonable before talking with your troubled teen. Controlling our anger is not always easy when parenting teens, but in order to maintain healthy lines of communication, your teen can't be afraid to speak freely. Gaining this kind of trust in a parent to teen relationship takes consistent work and patience. If you have a trusting relationship with your troubled teen, you will be the first person they want to call when they need help. If you can gain your troubled teens confidence so that they're comfortable talking to you about the things that are going on in their lives, (even those things that aren't easy to hear) then you can tackle the issues and problems that come along. Get close, as close as you can - and stay there.

Parenting Teen Tip #3 - Example is the Best Sermon: It's important to remember when parenting teens that you are being closely watched. Your habits and patterns of behavior are learned and are often repeated. If your teen, especially troubled teen perceives your actions as hypocrisy they'll often use it to justify their own negative behavior. This includes abuse of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, risky sex, and the lifestyles that accompany these things. It has been said that what parents do in moderation teens will do in excess. It important for parents to "own" their faults and recognize their own need to change and improve. Being honest and open with your troubled teen when it comes to the shortcomings you may have as a parent, will inspire the same sort of openness in your teen. Sir Francis Bacon said, "He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other."